Hang on to your Butts

Free food, free concerts, and free national park days are some of my favorite things to happen. So when national parks were free a few weekends ago, we had to take advantage and check out Dinosaur National Monument. 

Just a few hours' drive to the East of Provo lies this under-appreciated park. It is the Jurassic Park of our generation, since our generation probably won't see live dinosaurs, so this is as close as you're gonna get. 

It was here that paleontologists discovered a huge jackpot of thousands of dinosaur bones, all in one spot. There used to be a river, and sometimes it would flood, and dinosaurs would drown in it. Other dinosaurs, that had already died, would get their bones picked up and washed down river, and then they all piled up in this sandbar kinda place. 

When it was first discovered, paleontologists excavated a lot of it. Then, they left a lot in place and built a building all around it! And now, regular Joes like you and I and my brother Joseph whose mission blog I NEVER update so please don't read it, can go and see this excavation site, all preserved. You take a shuttle to get to the building, and the shuttle drives up to a gate that slides open all electronically (BECAUSE YOU'RE IN JURASSIC PARK), and then the shuttle drives through, and takes you up the hill to the visitor enter. Many of the biggest and most complete dinosaur skeletons they discovered got sent to other museums, but it is still so cool.

I got home first on Friday, so I started gathering up the camping stuff, and even packed clothes for Stephen. By the time he got home I was ready to be gone, like, an hour ago. 

Me: Come on, let's get in the car!

Him: Hold on, I have to pack my clothes.

Me: I already got you clothes. Let's go.

Him: Oh you did? Did you pack my short-sleeved denim shirt? The one with the collar?

Me: Huh? No, we're going to be hiking and stuff. 

Him: I know, but I need that shirt. I need to look like a paleontologist. 

I broke into a huge smile and got super excited - because I had packed clothes for myself that looked like paleontologist clothes! So we're clearly meant to be together. 

Stephen is generally happy to pose ridiculously for pictures, but sometimes he gets embarrassed about it. Like when he's all intrigued and asking the ranger intelligent questions, and then I go off and want to pose like this in plain sight.

The Jurassic Park fence!!!

We went with Margot and Gonzalo and had the best time. And we even found a trail called Stump Trail, so we were excited to have another teacher on our team join us!

Mostly, Dinosaur is deserty and the landscapes aren't as cool as the bones. But there were some pretty pink rocks.

Also, some petroglyphs. 

And a dirt road that Cassidy Jane and La Grosse Berta got stuck on.  

And a sign that all the cars pass, so again I'm the only poser. 

Everyone should go, if you haven't already been! And take all your 7-year-olds. They'll love it just as much as you do. 

25 Reasons You Love Me

I'm having a birthday this year. This usually happens, but this year is special!

*She said every year.*

Ehm, anyway. This year, I'm turning 25.

(I might say this for a few years, but this year it's actually biological. So take note!)

In honor of this very exciting event, I thought I would make a list of 25 things about me. Random things that you may or may not know.

Let's begin.

1. Sometimes I get so excited about birthdays that I over-plan them, and then I start to think that that day is all about me and my awesome plans. Even when it's someone else's birthday. This happens annually with Stephen. I have literally said to him, on his birthday: "Don't you ruin this for me! Don't you dare take this away on my special day!"

2. I'm pretty sure I get a crick in my neck more often than is normal, and like 8% of me wonders if an oil would fix it, but I would rather have cricks than turn into an oils person, so. That's a problem I live with for now.

3. I love dressing up and free food more than almost anything else. These things make the world go round.

4. I live vicariously through my sisters in their dating/texting lives. Boys trying to date my sisters, beware that you might be reading a txt I wrote.

5. I remember almost all of my dreams. I make a point to think about them when I wake up, because I love them so much.

6. And actually, I'm a great dream interpreter. My dad keeps telling me I should make a website and interpret people's dreams, because wouldn't that be so funny, and I keep thinking "What is funny about that, this is serious."

7. I never realized how many ways a person can sleep in a bed wrong until I married Stephen.

8. I once went on The Price is Right. I did not get called up. And consequently I did not win any money. I still feel a little sad about this from time to time.

9. I love snakes. Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I peruse the snakes for sale on KSL, just intending to look. Get an idea of the cost. And then, inevitably, I end up txting Stephen about 4 or 5 different ones that I waaaaant and are such good deals.

10. I am unceasingly inspired by my mom and Marjorie Pay Hinckley.

11. I went through this Elvis phase once, when I was like 11, right after I watched Lilo and Stitch. I got like 3 Elvis CD's for Christmas that year.

12. Sometimes I try to think about taking a Europe vacation, and I try to Pinterest it, and look on Airbnb, and it always overwhelms me. And somehow I wind up on cruise websites instead, what?

13. I get perfect weather for my birthday e'er year. It just always happens.

14. My most embarrassing moment occurred when I went on a date with a boy, who took me to his apartment to introduce me to his roommates, who apparently were sordid pigs, and I went to the bathroom and found a sandwich floating in the toilet and an empty toilet paper roll and no soap. And I am not going to share the rest of this story.

15. As a teacher, yes I have favorites. #sorrynotsorry. (My favorites are not set in stone and sometimes change daily, if that makes it any better.)

16. If I ever become rich, I want a beach room in my house. Not a beach house. I want a room with a wave pool, and sand, and a skylight, and a sound system that plays the sounds of the ocean. In my house. Stephen says this is unrealistic and I say that is rude.

17. Also, I want a car butler. I do not understand these horseless carriages!! I just want someone I trust to come over monthly, and check everything, and tell me what I need to fix, and get the oil changed, and do all the maintenance things that I am physically incapable of keeping track of.

18. When I first came to Utah, I came with big dreams of marrying a cowboy or Cosmo the Cougar. I married neither. But holla at my better-than-I-ever-dreamed-of-hottie-husband that I snagged instead!

19. I like to wear mismatching socks.

20. One of my nostrils is drastically different than the other nostril. Stephen was the first person to ever notice this, to my knowledge, and he took a picture to prove it to me. His nostrils are perfectly symmetrical, so it was really shocking to him.

21. My car's name is Cassidy Jane Carbaby. One time I bought a car and named him Lerone, after this guy on the Bachelorette who didn't even get a single rose. I was very upset by this and felt like he deserved at least one rose, because he made a great first impression on me! But then Lerone The Car died like a week after I got it. So I decided that Emily must have been right, and I never named another car Lerone ever again.

22. One day, I would really really like to publish a book.

23. I read "The Fault in Our Stars" and it ruined my life. I just think about it and I cry. And this happens like, monthly. Do not read this book!!

24. I have a slight obsession with engagement photos, wedding photos, love story videos, everything up that alley. Sometimes I google "couples story" and watch video after video of people I don't have any connection in the world to, and it makes me so happy.

25. I am really particular about my water - or more specifically, the temperature of it, and the ratio of ice to water. In case you're interested: freezing cold, and like 70% ice.

Stephen just put my birthday crown on me (!!!!) so I guess it's time for bed.

How do YOU Francisco? (A Quiz)

After the Redwoods, we went straight to San Francisco. We drove across the famous Golden Gate Bridge at about 10:30pm, and found our bed about 20 minutes after that. (Stephen has a San Franciscan friend who graciously let us stay at his home while he and his family were gone on their own vacation!)

The next day, we explored the  city - or should I say, we explored ourselves. I learned a lot about myself in San Francisco, and a lot about Stephen. New places have a way of doing that to you.

So I came up with this quiz, to tell you about our day in San Fran. The question is, are you a Heather, or a Stephen, or a city-dweller?

1. Good mooooorning! Do you prefer to:
a. Go out and find somewhere to eat.
b. Make pancakes and then go out exploring.
c. Starve.

A is Stephen.
B is me, except I didn't have time to make anything.
C is San Franciscans. I'm pretty sure they just starve, because I saw how big their kitchens are, and I saw how expensive the restaurants are, and I saw how long it can take to get one mile in downtown San Fran at any time of the day, and it just seems like eating cannot be a priority to these people.

2. You're looking around for a place to eat breakfast. Driving in San Francisco is:
a. Downright terrifying, so you'll let someone else do it.
b. Alright. I can handle the driving - parking is what really sucks about this city.
c. Kinda fun! So many opportunities to honk....but it's also kinda stupid. So I ride my bike.

A is me. I did finally drive, at the end of the day, but mostly I was more than happy to let Stephen chauffeur me around.
B is Stephen. He did get slightly anxious about all the one-way streets and the traffic, but the parking situation truly would have had him in tears if he wasn't so masculine.
C is the San Franciscans again. I am baffled by this, but no one seemed bothered by the overload of cars. It was like watching a cooking demonstration, and the chef pours the brownie batter into a 2"x3" Pyrex pan, and it's clearly not gonna fit, but he's going for it anyway, and no one in the audience goes, "Hey Curtis do you need a bigger pan?" And then it's spilling all over the counter and still nobody thinks to say "Hmm maybe that's too small of a pan." And that metaphor was really just a long, abstract way of saying there are too many dang cars in this city, it is not big enough for all those people, but no one seemed to notice except me.

3. You find a place to eat breakfast! After driving around for another 45 minutes looking for a place to park, you find a different place to eat breakfast. One you can walk to from your parking space. You order:

a. Potatoes, eggs, ham, and pancakes. You eat about 1/4 of one of the pancakes and leave everything else on your plate.
b.  A breakfast banana split. (Basically a banana sliced in half and topped with Greek yogurt and homemade granola full of unidentifiable seeds and other organic things, and strawberries and blueberries, all served in a beautiful glass dish.)
c. A breakfast burrito. Which you inhale in about 5 minutes.

A is the San Franciscans. I KNOW! In this place where all the napkin holders have signs saying "Please only take what you really need," Stephen and I were shocked at the wastefulness! Not to mention, we were starving at this point and had to really hold ourselves back from eating that person's leftovers, because pretty sure they were on a date and pretty sure they didn't even touch it, so pretty sure we could have eaten it without getting the plague, but whate'er.
B is me. Did I trick you?! Did you think Iiiiii was the San Franciscan? Well thaynks. (It was actually quite delicious.)
C is Stephen. And his burrito was also delicious.

4. Breakfast is over, and your plans for the day include taking a picture in front of the Painted Ladies (Victorian townhomes from Full House). Do you:

a. Drive by them because, boring.
b. Park illegally and run your butt up the hill to take a picture, only to get embarrassed of looking so touristy and refuse to get in the picture and hand your camera to someone else.
c. Pose for a picture, then run back down the hill in an absolute PANIC when you see a policeman drive by, clearly on his way to ticket your car.

A was the San Franciscans. They don't curr.
B was Stephen. Normally he's really good about taking pictures with me, but he wasn't havin it in San Fran. I think it was a mixture of embarrassment, concern that someone was going to steal our camera if we asked them to take a picture, and anxiety about being in the city at all.
C was me. And no the po did not ticket us, whew!

5. You're done with one tourist attraction! Next, you:

a. Go back to the hotel / place you're staying at. This is way too stressful. It's not even fun. I actually hate it here.
b. Go back to the hotel / place you're staying at. I'm getting eaten alive in this city. I almost got run over by a car. (That might have happened like 3 times actually.) I just need to plan out my day a little better....
c. Go to another attraction because I run this city.

A is Stephen. B is me. I don't love cities, but I do kinda like them. Stephen, however, borderline-hates them. So after breakfast, one attraction, and 3 hours, we were both ready for a nap.
C is, I'm guessing, the local SFans. They all seemed so confident....one day I'll be like them.

6. You're in Ghirardelli Square, looking out at the water

a. gobbling a Ghirardelli's sundae and trying to figure out the least incompetent passerby who can take a picture with the water in the background
b. on a date with a handsome man, and you're both delicately picking at your own Ghirardelli's sundaes, not wanting to scare off the other one by scarfing down ice cream with your normal abandon
c. so you walk through the middle of a circle of benches filled with couples, and rip out your biggest possible fart. Then keep walking, unabashed, leaving all the lovebirds on benches to look around and giggle and question whether they actually just heard what they think they did.

Let's hope I never get pregnant too far away from a Ghirardelli's, because pretty sure I'm going to crave these.

A is actually both Stephen and I. Maybe we are past the honeymoon phase, but we might have spoon-fought over the last bits of fudge. It's fine.
B is the well-dressed gay San Franciscans we observed having the same(ish) date as us, just on a different bench. Oh, and there was no spoon-fighting. They were a lot daintier than us.
C is another San Franciscan. A lady. (Though not a very ladylike lady....) who really did exactly that.

7. In Fisherman's Wharf, the best place to go is:

a. a fancy exPENSive store, with statues of horses and dragons and naked people, and $2,000 urns, and sundry other expensive decorations that would look expensive anywhere you choose to drop them in your front yard, next to your 10-foot Bellagio-esque fountains, obvi.
b. Boudin's Bakery, where they make clam chowder and sourdough bread bowls - or rather, the stand right next to Boudin's Bakery, where they sell the exact same sourdough bread bowls and clam chowder, for the exact same price, but just without the indoor seating and the line.
c. anywhere else, because Fisherman's Wharf is a tourist trap.

A is me. I don't want to say that I enjoy window-shopping and looking at all the things I can't have, but I do enjoy window-shopping when it's things that I don't want and they are obscenely priced. It's just kind of fun.
B was Stephen. This day was largely (90%?) about the food for him. And I don't like clam chowder.
I'm assuming C is how the locals feel, but who really knows. I couldn't always tell the San Franciscans apart from the tourists.....although I'm sure people knew which category we fell into!

8. It's rush hour once again. This time: the night kind. You:

a. Joyously run people off the road with your ginormous-butt semi.
b. Get in the car, in the passenger side. Coax your co-pilot into the driver's side. Talk them through the process of squiggling out of the tight spot you have found yourselves in, thanks to some very selfish parkers who didn't feel like leaving a mile in front of and behind you on the curb. End up moving to the driver's seat again, because your person couldn't handle the stress of it. Flawlessly squiggle out of the claustrophobic space and onto the normal road, where it's not quiiiite as claustrophobic.
c. Get in on the driver's side. QUICKLY realize that this is not the place for you. You don't belong in this world of shiny new bumpers and parallel parking and 31% grade hills. You don't belong!! Panic. Press on the brake with all your might. Put the car in reverse and press a little harder on the brake. Express alarm when it starts making a terrible sound. Crawl shamefully into the passenger side, then back into the driver's seat once the car is safely away from the curb.

A is the San Franciscans. There are some rude semi-truck drivers there....or at least one.
B was Stephen. He really believed in me for about 2 minutes, I think.
C was me. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but kind of indignant that anyone is expected to live and drive like that.



I did like San Francisco.....I just wish that we had had more time there. Someday I'll convince Stephen to go back with me ;) And we'll take the trolley so we don't have to worry about parking or driving, and that will make everything so much better.

A Weekend at the Capitol

Stephen was not a happy camper this semester.

I've already explained why, so we don't need to go into that again. The point is, it's over now!! To celebrate, I planned a little weekend getaway and enlisted my BFF's, the Dating Divas, to announce it to Stephen.

It was so fun planning everything out! I got a substitute for my class on Monday and set everything up for us to leave on Saturday, after the Real Live Wives club met for breakfast. I told my kids and got their input. Some of their advice, I followed.

"You should really think about bringing a tent. My family always brings a tent when we go camping."

"Just make sure you don't drive too fast, cuz my dad got a ticket last time when we were driving to Las Vegas."

Some of their advice, I ignored.

C: How is he going to pack?
Me: I'm going to pack for him!
C: But how will you know what to bring? What if he doesn't like it?
Me: He won't care, he doesn't really care what he wears.
C: Oh! So.....you should pack a bikini for him!!!
*Laughter erupting all around the classroom*
Me: ....What? I don't want him to wear a bikini!
C: No no! Wait! I got it! You should like, give him a sleeping pill, and then when he's asleep, THEN put him IN the bikini!
*Even more laughter*
Me: But I still don't want him in a bikini, why would I do that?
C: Because he'll think it's so crazy!

Yes. Yes he would.

While Stephen hung out with his family on Friday night, I borrowed ropes and climbing equipment from our friend Brandon (who is single and I need one of my best friends and/or sisters to marry him because he is that great!), pulled the ladder out of our backyard jungle, got down all the camping equipment, marinated some chicken, put water bottles in the freezer, packed the trunk, put all our clothes in a little baby suitcase, and set up my handy little Dating Divas treasure hunt. I changed the last clue just a little - on theirs, the treasure is a movie night in the car (like at a drive-in theater or something).

When Stephen found the last clue, he also saw all the stuff I had packed in the trunk. I told him to get in because we were going somewhere. He had thought I was just planning a date, and he was so surprised! For the first two hours, he had no idea where we were going.

I chose Capitol Reef as our destination because it's only about 3 hours away, and neither of us had ever been there. They don't have climbing, but they do have rappelling! Which I thought would be fun, to try something a little different.

We had just enough time on Saturday to check out Chimney Rock and the Fruita campground, which was full, before we needed to set up our own camp.

In the end, we mostly just hiked and camped and explored the park on foot and via car. It is beautiful!! Our campsite was in the "primitive camping" section, and it was so private. There was a table, fire pit, and tons of wood from the last campers. We couldn't even see another campsite. It was just so unpopulated that it felt like we were the only ones there. Actually, the moon was there too. And it was very full. And quite intrusive.

We ate sweet potatoes and marinated chicken, and cuddled up to read Jurassic Park together. This was a good idea and a bad idea, because it is a really good book, but then I was afraid that a velociraptor was going to attack our campsite.

We also ate at the Rim Rock restaurant, which I highly recommend! The only thing about it that I didn't appreciate was when I told the waitress that I didn't want croutons on my salad, and Stephen tattled on me that we are doing Whole 30, and then she brought rolls back.

"I know this doesn't really work with your no grains thing, but we usually serve rolls with the meal," she said, waving them under my nose. "They're really good, it's our own in-house recipe. Do you want them?"

"They look so good!" I said. "But it's okay, we don't need them."

She smiled. "I'll just leave these right here in case you change your mind," she said.

#what.

So then Stephen had to take one for the team and eat them both. {And brag about it....}

I loved this weekend! We got lucky with the weather - thunderstorms were threatening, but we always missed them. We did come back to our tent on Sunday night and it had obviously been rained on, but we were in a different part of the park that had thankfully stayed dry.

One other thing I really loved about it was that the car charger wasn't working, for our phones. So I spent most of the time with my phone turned off, and only turned it on when we needed directions back home. It was so nice to not have to worry about anything except where we were and what we were doing.

I woke up like dis.

This place is stunning and you do need to go. 

Next stop: Hawaii!!