Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Missing Husband Alert

Stephen is taking a super-butt-hard classload this semester.

It is so hard that he had to get special permission to take all these classes together because normally that's not allowed, so some guys had to look over his grades and interview him and be like "Are you sure you hate yourself, and having fun, that much?" before they signed off on it.

Also, sometimes his classes make me cry, and I'm not even the one taking them. Except one. Kind of. 

So anyway. Sometimes, he needs to take tests that he studies for all week and all weekend and all day Monday before the test closes on Monday night. It is exhausting, and rough trying to get on a consistent sleeping schedule, and stressful....and I can only imagine how he feels.

Here's how to survive when this happens to your husband:

1. Leave a little lunch of leftovers and a nice note about how smart he is when you go to school. Congratulate yourself the entire drive on how considerate you are.

2. Then proceed to text him all day long with important questions like "Do you want to take a sailing trip in Hawaii?" and "There's a Groupon sale that's ending today, is there anything you want?" and "Do you think you'll take your test in time to go get a sandwich between 4-5 at the Corner Bakery?" Really the more texts the better. He craves those little distractions.

3. On your way home, think of a list of things you can do while he is taking his test. Get really excited about all the "me" time you're going to get!

4. Once you are home, make dinner halfway. You can go grocery shopping together for the rest of the ingredients when he finishes his test. Because, of course that's what he'll want to do!

5. Talk to your sister on the phone for an hour and 26 minutes.

6. Now it's a little later than you were expecting him to be home. Looks like you won't have time to go work out. Oh well....this has happened before. Learn how to make a YouTube playlist of all the songs that get you pumped up so you can work out at home.

7. Get caught up watching videos and let an hour and a half slip away while doing that.

8. Look up and pin all the at-home workouts that feature girls with 6-packs in the picture demonstrations. Since, that's the goal.

9. Get embarrassed that the husband is probably going to get home before you even start your workout.....and quickly start.

10. Finish one workout. The husband is still not aqui.

11. The playlist is still not over.....so do another workout.

12. Get a teeny bit annoyed that he's not going to see you working out when he gets home, so choose another one. Still no husband??

13. Google the UVU Testing Center hours. What?? They closed at 5? It is almost 9! Enter into full panic mode.

14. Call Mama Shimp and calmly ask if the husband is over there. He is not. Calmly hang up the phone saying you'll keep her posted.

15. Begin imagining all sorts of fun scenarios like your car sitting in a crumpled mess on the side of the road in just the right spot for no one to see it for hours, terrorists blowing up the testing center, you sitting in a pile of memorabilia sobbing and planning your husband's funeral, etc. It just adds some suspense.

16. Go back to texting and calling the husband incessantly.

17. Or twice, if he picks up the second time. And answers like nothing is wrong.......

18. Almost start crying because you're so glad he's not dead.

19. Discover that the testing center hours are wrong on the Google machine, but correct on the testing center website. Actually, it doesn't close until 9.

20. Swear off Google. It's stupid. I'm never relying on it again!

Moral of the story? Actually there are two. Communication is key, and don't go to college.

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