Monday, June 29, 2015

Dinnertime Humor

My Facebook exploded this weekend, I don't know about yours.

In discussing this over family dinner on Sunday, I decided to share my favorite status that I read, posted by my cousin. I pulled it up on my phone and read it aloud:

"The American people have been served a great justice this week and we are a stronger people for it. My heart is full and I will proudly tell my children and their children how I lived in a time where wrongs were righted and brave people stood on the right side of history. In short, thank you, Disney, for banning selfie sticks."

I looked up, excited to see everyone's reactions. Logan and Michael had stopped paying attention by the second sentence. Brandon too. Natalie was still waking up. Stephanie and Craig chuckled. Stephen's parents blinked at me.

"Isn't that funny?" I prompted.

"They don't get it," Stephen said. He shook his head. "Read it again."

I did. This time Natalie gave a little laugh.

"So do you get it this time?" Stephen asked his parents, who were still looking blankly at me.

"I just....it's crazy, the way this world is going," Mama Shimp said.

"Okay, but do you get what he was doing, with that status?" Stephen said. He grabbed the phone. "You don't get it, because you probably weren't on Facebook this weekend. But seriously every other status was something like that, but talking about gay marriage."

"Oh, I heard about the new bill, I know that's what you're talking about. I get it." Mama Shimp did not get it.

"No. Diane." Craig tried to jump in to explain and got interrupted by Mike.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, now I'm going to sound really naive here....but what I don't get is, what is a selfie stick?"

The whole table erupted with forehead smacks, groans, and cries of "A selfie stick?? Oh my gosh, DAD!"

"I know what that is!" Mama Shimp cried excitedly. "Mike! You are old!"

Once everyone knew what a selfie-stick was, we had to then explain that Disney just banned selfie-sticks.

"Okay, but," Mama Shimp frowned, "What does that have to do with gay marriage?

"It's just funny," Stephen said feebly. "It doesn't really have to do with that. He was trying to make it sound like he was talking about gay marriage, but then you get to the end and realize he's talking about selfie sticks at Disney parks, and it's funny."

Jokes aren't usually funnier when you have to explain them. Usually, they just kinda turn lame. But in this case, I think it was the opposite. The joke was much funnier after our half-hour explanation of it.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Days of the Week

Sundays are for writing missionaries the LAST EMAIL before they come home (!!!!!) and for Father's Day family BBQ's, where Stephen ripped his new shorts trying to swing dance with me.

Mondays are for maxi-skirts with the girls in my class, and for classy (free) orchestra concerts at the Gallivan Center.

Insert glowing review here.
Tuesdays are for Zumba class and productivity, and regretting that I didn't post anything on Sunday on Facebook about my father. He is the best, I hope you all know that.

Wednesdays are for crying sneakily behind my sunglasses on the Front-runner as I write notes to all my kids from my classes this year. Also, for catching up on the Bachelorette and getting annoyed again at Kaitlyn and her immaturity.

Thursdays are for picking up Claire, the dog princess of the world, and attending my cute student's play with Margot and our husbands. Also, driving up to the gas pump with exactly 1 mile to empty. This has never happened to me before and better never happen again.

Friday day was for my kids' end-of-the-year program, where they sang and danced and did gymnastics and other tricks, and I was so proud of them I thought I was going to burst wide open. We celebrated afterwards with root beer floats and with Stephen doing handstands and tricks on the flagpole, and it was just the best day at school ever.

Friday night was for free shave ice, free dinner, and hiking the Y (also free) with the fam. And with Claire. It wouldn't be right to leave her out.

And of course, no hike to the top of Y mountain would be complete without a scoop (or 4, whatever the people wanna give you) of BYU creamery ice cream.

Saturdays are for sleeping in and starting the day slow with a naked breakfast and songs from Hawaii. And maybe ending the day with a rodeo?? Hint hint Stephen.....

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Cars, Kayaks, and Copters

Getting around on Oahu usually takes about.....A MILLION YEARS, because 1. we were always running late, and 2. there's basically just one two-lane road that you take to get anywhere, and it's always clogged up with everyone else who thinks they need to be on the road more than I do.

We used a few different modes of transportation on our trip. 


To get there, we flew Allegiant.  Even though it was the longest flight of my life, and they don't give out snacks or even water for free, and my feet were freezing, I would fly with them again in a heartbeat. They tack on extra fees for things like carryon bags, but it was still the cheapest tickets by far. I read a lot of negative reviews but honestly, I don't understand that. I love any airline as long as they don't lose my luggage and we don't crash, so I was happy.

.....And just since "we didn't crash" isn't exactly a glowing review, I should add that we waited for about 5 minutes in line, the lady who helped us at the counter was nice, their app is really convenient and easy to use, and I have no complaints!


We rented a car through Discount Hawaii Rental Cars. They hooked us up with this company called Thrifty. I was pretty nervous because they did not have glowing reviews on Yelp....as in, 2.5 stars and some very angry negative reviews. People said they got a crappy car, or the engine went out, or the people were rude and pushy, or they were charged double the price they were quoted, or they had to wait for over an hour in the line to get their car. But it was so cheap, so once again, I went with it. 

I'm so glad I did because we had an awesome experience with them! The shuttle pulled up right when we walked out of the airport and took us straight to their office. It was like 5 minutes away and we were the first ones in line. The guy who helped us was super-nice and not pushy at all, and we got a cute little red Mazda with only 14,000 miles on it! 


Our first excursion on Oahu was a helicopter tour! I asked Stephen in February what the one thing was he definitely wanted to do in Hawaii, and he said ride in a helicopter. Just my luck....there was a Groupon for that exact thing!! I bought it immediately and we were so glad we did.

Novictor Aviation is right by the airport and we loved our helicopter ride! They did doors off for no extra cost, so that was cool. Stephen had a very leisurely ride up in the front and I practically got blown away, but neither of us realized that the other person was having a different experience! It was fun either way. Our pilot was super-nice and told us lots of cool stuff and laughed at all my jokes, like "can we do a flip?"

See the rainbow?

I know I always make fun of people on the Bachelor who get excited about the helicopter. Like how are you gonna go on the show and not know that there will be a helicopter? But actually I understand now. Stephen and I were so excited, we even did a mini-photo shoot with our fanny packs. And then another one before getting on the helicopter. And I might have screamed a few times. Apparently if I wasn't married, I would basically belong on that show.


Once again, Groupon came along, swooped me down and kissed me on the mouth with a delightful little deal on a tandem kayak about 5 minutes away from Lanikai Bay. Twogood Kayaks was great! They gave us ideas of where to go and directions. Stephen and I got one kayak and Margot and Gonzalo got another. Amazingly, we were able to drive with both kayaks on the roof of our little rental car!

We drove down to this private little beach and set sail for the Twin Islands, Mokulua Islands....the "Mokes" if you are a true Hawaiian. One of them is a bird sanctuary for some endangered seabirds, and the other is a partial bird sanctuary. You're allowed to go on that one but some parts of the island are blocked off.

Do I recommend the Mokes? .....I mean I guess ;)

I didn't touch this picture with any kind of editing or filter - the water is just that color!
Haha Gonzalo was so obsessed with his life jacket. We all shed ours as soon as possible, but he wanted to keep wearing it and talking about how cool it made him!
Right when we got out of our kayaks, we spotted some sea turtles!! They kept coming up for air right next to the island! 

After swimming around with the sea turtles for a little bit, (!!!!!) we explored the island. There were all these jagged rock places, and some little pools that sometimes filled up with water from the waves, and a bunch of sea urchins to poke at.

My attempt at the Little Mermaid pose....

This is my freaking out face because that, behind me, is Stephen's "I just told Heather I'm about to jump out of the kayak" face.
And this is after he jumped out and just climbed back in. 
I'd like to take this moment to publicly thank Stephen for not participating in the Dad Bod trend that is happening right now. Happening in the sense that some people think it's happening but I do not agree. 

So yes, I would recommend the Mokes. And all of these things.