Just Missing Joseph

I saw my family this week! Everyone except Joseph.

And now, since I'm stuck in the Chicago airport with butt-long delays, I'm going to write a summary of my trip.

Sarah plays the ukulele now. And she loves noise I think more than anyone else I know! She was constantly singing, playing the piano, playing the ukelele, chatting with me - it was so fun. Also, she is ginormous. The baby of the family is now almost as tall as me! I think my parents had a specific number of tall genes, and at first the tall genes were like okay, no one can have too many of us. We've got to spread ourselves out. And then all of a sudden, it got to the 6th and 7th child and all the tall genes were like oh freak!! We won't have anywhere to go! Hurry! Everybody, unload! This is not a drill!! So now Jacob and Sarah tower over the rest of us midgets.

Jacob is also ginormous but this is nothing new. My favorite part of hanging out with Jacob was when we went to this fannnncy-pants restaurant with a ghost for lunch on my last day (today), and Jacob literally fell in love with his sandwich. He just sat there staring at it and commenting on how beautiful it looked for like 5 minutes, and then he delved into it, and he could not stop smiling! When Sarah asked if she could have a bite, I think she took a bite out of his heart as well. But Jacob is just the kind of nicest-guy-ever who would give his little sister a bite of his favorite sandwich, so he did.

Actually, my favorite part of hanging out with Jacob was seeing what a sweetheart he is. He's just so nice to talk to, and so compassionate, and so helpful!.....but that's a little more boring to blog about. I'm just saying. Whoever marries him is going to be so happy about that delightful turn of events in her life.

We pulled up to my family's new house where there were a bunch of new friends to meet. Apparently my whole family hates quiet, because as the kids all move out, we are being replaced with noisy animals. We've always had birds, but now they have chickens, a turkey, and a dog that looks kind of like a polar bear and barks like it is under attack.
My favorite chicken is this one named Mohawkey, who has crazy hairs, but is actually very nice to hold.

Even the turkey, Rocky Jr., lets you hold him and is pretty calm about it. He kind of reminded me of a peacock. He just stands there and puffs up his feathers and wants to be the boss. If he feels like he's not getting enough attention, or someone isn't doing something he specifically approved, he lets out this "GOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLE!" that does not even sound like an animal. It seriously sounds like a person who's really bad at imitating turkeys! But it actually is Rocky Jr.

Aldas (All-dosh) is the polar bear dog. When they got her I did not think I would like her. As you may recall, my idea of a perfect dog actually does not exist, since I would like one that doesn't poop, bark, shed, jump on you, whine, drool, lick, disobey, get dirty, bite, weigh more than 10 lbs, smell bad, hump other dogs, want to go on walks when I don't want to, or cost money. This dog does not exist, and I realize that.

But Aldas is like - five things I don't like! She is huge, hairy, sheds and drools constantly, has a ton of energy, and I'm pretty sure her poops could squash and kill smaller dogs. She lurped out of her house (which is the garage, because she's a white Clifford, you guys) and ran and jumped up on me right when I got out of the car. And then, I loved her.

Despite all her on-paper flaws, she is actually so sweet and so cute! And it's funny to me how she loves being scratched and she plunks down on top of your feet to trap you there so you have no choice but to rub her belly.

She loves to jump in the pond and chase the frogs,

and when she wants attention, she puts her paw very bossily on your leg,

and looks up at you, panting and smiling like she can't imagine a better friend in the whole world.

My grandpa is the cutest little putterer ever. He used to wear suspenders and a baseball cap all the time and now he doesn't any more. But he is still so cute. I just want to pinch his little cheeks! One day everyone left to do something, except Sarah and Grandpa and I. Sarah was taking a shower and I was planning out a menu for my parents and Nicole, who are going to do Whole 30 with me! Because, for some reason, I am doing it again.

Anyyyway, Grandpa came over and was like "Tell me about your husband." And then we talked for almost 2 hours! It was so fun! He told me about places he's been, and I told him about places I've been, and we talked about hypnosis because, you guys, my grandpa was a hypnotist and I'm not even kidding!, and we talked about Stephen, and my grandma, and it was just so nice.

I love my grandpa because eeeeven though this morning he walked out and said "How are your stocks? The stock market just closed. Yep. And China closed, too." - even though he said that, he is actually very witty and has a great memory. And this gives me hope that when I get old, I can have a strong mind and not be confused all the time.

Julie was in Ohio when I arrived, but she actually left on Sunday, so we only had a day and a half together. But it was a great day and a half! Sarah has the cutest colorful spandex shorts, which she let me borrow so we could go running in the mornings.

The first day, I wanted a picture of this monumental event of me voluntarily going running in the great outdoors. I asked Jacob to take it but that was a REAL struggle, so Julie came out on the deck and started taking pictures. Here are just a few of the things she said:

"Run!!! Keep running, my muses!"
"Goddesses! All two of you! Hair swish, that's it!"
"These are so Instagram worthy! How will you ever choose?!"
"I can't stop clicking. My finger CAN'T STOP CLICKING!!!"

Sarah did not understand that we were trying to take running pictures. She thought we were having a race. 

At some point Aldas, the resident spaz dog, ran up to us.

"That's it, Aldas! Over here! Look at me!"
"Now pet her! Yes! YES!"
"I love the spontaneity, Aldas! You're a dream!"

Julie is just so freakin funny.

Nicole is now home from her mission! She was, of course, the reason I flew out. I have missed her! I hadn't realized it, since we emailed every week, and sometimes even snail mailed. But just having her back, and laughing with her, and seeing her do the same ridiculous things she did before, made me realize how much I love her and did miss her.

She is one of a kind. I know everyone is unique and blablabla, but Nicole is like 10x more unique than other people, I feel like. Potential suitors may apply via me. (Since I am more enthusiastic about her nuptials than she is.)

Here's something Nicole is enthusiastic about: taking pictures in front of fireplaces that Abraham Lincoln gave speeches in front of at the Spread Eagle Tavern. 

My parents are still the same, you'll be happy to know. When Nicole had some post-mission awkwardness and I had a mini-freakout about it, my dad was the calm mediator psychologist who solved all the problems. And my mom remains the happy, sweet, help-everyone-with-whatever-problem-they-might-have, mom of the entire world's population.

Anyone who wants to photo-shop my dad's eyes open is welcome to. I'd appreciate it, and I'm sure he would, too. 

Kelly came on my last day there. It would've been nice if we could all have gotten our craps together, and been there at the same time. The airport schedule went like this:

Pick up Julie.
Pick up Nicole.
Pick up Heather.
Drop off Julie.
Pick up Kelly.
Drop off Heather.
Pick up Julie.
Drop off Kelly.
Drop off Heather.
Drop off Julie.

.....all on different days. Yeah, a little dysfunctional! But that was what worked with everyone's schedules, and at least we all got to see each other, even if not all together.

Anyway, it was fun to see my oldest friend for a day! We went and toured my dad's plant, and went to this fancy-pants restaurant that used to be an abolitionist's mansion home. Now it's a hotel / restaurant called the Spread Eagle Tavern. It was here that Jacob fell in love with his.....sandwich.

I have seriously not seen him behave this way, or look so enamored, since he met Mckenzie Gilmore in Florida when he was like four years old. 

On Tuesday night, Nicole gave her report of her mission. I was so glad I got to be there for it! The whole entire room filled up with the Spirit and I got a little glimpse of what an amazing missionary she was. We didn't take any pictures of us that night because for some reason, we all looked like the dump fairy came and sprinkled her magic not-cute dust on us. Or maybe that was just me. Either way, the only picture I do have from that night is the complete double rainbow that we witnessed.

I kept trying to take pictures and none of them turned out exactly well enough to do this rainbow justice. You can't even see the second rainbow, but I promise it was there, and I promise I wondered what it meant. 

It was so fun being home! I never thought I would call Ohio "home," but if that's where my family is, then it is home to me. The only downside was not having Stephen there....and that's why I had to go back to Utah. He's my home too :)

P.S. He cleaned the whole entire house, soooo, I'm the luckiest wife.

Days of the Week

Sundays are for writing missionaries the LAST EMAIL before they come home (!!!!!) and for Father's Day family BBQ's, where Stephen ripped his new shorts trying to swing dance with me.

Mondays are for maxi-skirts with the girls in my class, and for classy (free) orchestra concerts at the Gallivan Center.

Insert glowing review here.

Tuesdays are for Zumba class and productivity, and regretting that I didn't post anything on Sunday on Facebook about my father. He is the best, I hope you all know that.

Wednesdays are for crying sneakily behind my sunglasses on the Front-runner as I write notes to all my kids from my classes this year. Also, for catching up on the Bachelorette and getting annoyed again at Kaitlyn and her immaturity.

Thursdays are for picking up Claire, the dog princess of the world, and attending my cute student's play with Margot and our husbands. Also, driving up to the gas pump with exactly 1 mile to empty. This has never happened to me before and better never happen again.

Friday day was for my kids' end-of-the-year program, where they sang and danced and did gymnastics and other tricks, and I was so proud of them I thought I was going to burst wide open. We celebrated afterwards with root beer floats and with Stephen doing handstands and tricks on the flagpole, and it was just the best day at school ever.



Friday night was for free shave ice, free dinner, and hiking the Y (also free) with the fam. And with Claire. It wouldn't be right to leave her out.

And of course, no hike to the top of Y mountain would be complete without a scoop (or 4, whatever the people wanna give you) of BYU creamery ice cream.

Saturdays are for sleeping in and starting the day slow with a naked breakfast and songs from Hawaii. And maybe ending the day with a rodeo?? Hint hint Stephen.....

The Perks of Puppies

I'm probably going to get shot for saying this, but I don't really like pets.

Snakes are pretty much my ideal pet - quiet, cool to watch, hold-able, low maintenance, and unique. But they are also expensive and sometimes you have to feed them real live mice.

Birds are too screechy. Or too messy. Or too singy. Or too pecky. Also, I strongly react to their deaths. When Blueberry died, I went to kindergarten and didn't get off the bus. The busdriver dropped everyone off and then had to walk all the way back to find me still in my seat, staring out the window, when my friend told the teacher I was still on the bus and didn't want to come out. Then when Mandy got a tumor in her butt and keeled over one day, it was even more depressing! I don't think I could handle another bird death.

Hamsters are too stinky and too messy, and one time Stephen's family had a hamster who chewed off it's own feet, so no thanks.

Frogs are cute! But they don't live very long and one time I watched a documentary in third grade about how a lot of frogs are being born with mutations because of pollution?? And it traumatized me for life.

I literally dreamed of having a horse when I was little. Or at least horseback riding lessons! I would have even settled for my stuffed animal horse that I slept with and played with until middle school kinda liked coming to life every once in a while, but it was not to be. Anyway, horses are big animals, and as we all know, the bigger the animal, the bigger the poop. Plus, they are butt-expensive and can step on you.

Cats - oh my gosh, where do I begin. Too stinky. Too offensive to my family's allergies. Too selfish. Too hairy. Too cuddly when you want to be left alone and too un-cuddly when you want to cuddle. Too temperamental. Too demanding. Too scratchy and snotty. I never like cats.

Except this baby kitten was okay. I loved it, while at the same time realizing I probably wouldn't like it when it grew up. 

Dinosaurs are extinct.

Babies are cute, but they will be cuter later. When Stephen has graduated.

Camels - watch out, they spit.

And dogs. They may be man's best friend, but they also require a lot of attention and are very expensive. I don't like picking up someone else's poop (hence, why I haven't had a baby yet), and I don't like getting licked.

But this weekend, we got to babysit a dog who was just the most perfect dog ever, and now....{I kind of want one.}

The dog in question belongs to our couple friends, Jenn and Justin. And here are 10 things you need to know about this weekend with her:

1. She was a little bit of a cone-head. But she didn't seem to notice! And pretty soon, I didn't really notice either.

And also, the cone fit on sleeping humans, so I actually really enjoyed that about her.

2. She barely ever barked. This is a big deal because as you may recall, I like quiet animals.

3. She didn't like riding a scooter. Actually, she didn't try. She got off as soon as we put her on it. But I'm assuming that means she wouldn't have liked it.

4. She never once peed on the carpet. She did poop on someone's yard. And I didn't pick it up. #baddogmom

5. She pranced. Some dogs are boring and they just walk around, but Claire is like a princess / dog / gazelle and there is no better word for what she did. She is a prancer!

6. She ran pranced up to me after every single three - or more - minute separation! She was so happy to see me all the time! Plus, she was always there to cuddle with me. Which was perfect since she weighs, like, 10 lbs. I sat her on my lap and facebooked and she didn't mind one bit. I have never been so appreciated in my life!

7. My dad snored very loudly. Claire started growling every time he snored and it was so hilarious.

8. We took her on a few walks and it was the best. The best! She wasn't needy about it, just happy about it. And since it was pretty nice weather, I was also happy about it.

9. She didn't hate Stephen. One time we met this dog who hates all the men and boys, and she snarled and barked at Stephen every time she re-noticed his presence. While it was kind of hilarious, I would never want a dog who hates my husband.

10. She isn't the best jumper. I thought she was, so I tried to get her to jump out of the car, and she fell on her face! I felt terrible and kept trying to hug her and make up for it, but she forgot about it immediately. And she still loved me. I'm telling you, this dog was all WWJD e'er day. She is such an inspiration.

So yeah if anyone could clone this dog and give her to me, I would greatly appreciate it. And if you want to also pay for all the expenses and just let me play with her and love her, then she would really be a perfect pet. Thanks Jenn and Justin! You guys and Claire have changed my life.