Saturday, April 11, 2015

The Perks of Puppies

I'm probably going to get shot for saying this, but I don't really like pets.

Snakes are pretty much my ideal pet - quiet, cool to watch, hold-able, low maintenance, and unique. But they are also expensive and sometimes you have to feed them real live mice.

Birds are too screechy. Or too messy. Or too singy. Or too pecky. Also, I strongly react to their deaths. When Blueberry died, I went to kindergarten and didn't get off the bus. The busdriver dropped everyone off and then had to walk all the way back to find me still in my seat, staring out the window, when my friend told the teacher I was still on the bus and didn't want to come out. Then when Mandy got a tumor in her butt and keeled over one day, it was even more depressing! I don't think I could handle another bird death.

Hamsters are too stinky and too messy, and one time Stephen's family had a hamster who chewed off it's own feet, so no thanks.

Frogs are cute! But they don't live very long and one time I watched a documentary in third grade about how a lot of frogs are being born with mutations because of pollution?? And it traumatized me for life.

I literally dreamed of having a horse when I was little. Or at least horseback riding lessons! I would have even settled for my stuffed animal horse that I slept with and played with until middle school kinda liked coming to life every once in a while, but it was not to be. Anyway, horses are big animals, and as we all know, the bigger the animal, the bigger the poop. Plus, they are butt-expensive and can step on you.

Cats - oh my gosh, where do I begin. Too stinky. Too offensive to my family's allergies. Too selfish. Too hairy. Too cuddly when you want to be left alone and too un-cuddly when you want to cuddle. Too temperamental. Too demanding. Too scratchy and snotty. I never like cats.

Except this baby kitten was okay. I loved it, while at the same time realizing I probably wouldn't like it when it grew up. 
Dinosaurs are extinct.

Babies are cute, but they will be cuter later. When Stephen has graduated.

Camels - watch out, they spit.

And dogs. They may be man's best friend, but they also require a lot of attention and are very expensive. I don't like picking up someone else's poop (hence, why I haven't had a baby yet), and I don't like getting licked.

But this weekend, we got to babysit a dog who was just the most perfect dog ever, and now....{I kind of want one.}

The dog in question belongs to our couple friends, Jenn and Justin. And here are 10 things you need to know about this weekend with her:

1. She was a little bit of a cone-head. But she didn't seem to notice! And pretty soon, I didn't really notice either.

And also, the cone fit on sleeping humans, so I actually really enjoyed that about her.
2. She barely ever barked. This is a big deal because as you may recall, I like quiet animals.

3. She didn't like riding a scooter. Actually, she didn't try. She got off as soon as we put her on it. But I'm assuming that means she wouldn't have liked it.

4. She never once peed on the carpet. She did poop on someone's yard. And I didn't pick it up. #baddogmom

5. She pranced. Some dogs are boring and they just walk around, but Claire is like a princess / dog / gazelle and there is no better word for what she did. She is a prancer!

6. She ran pranced up to me after every single three - or more - minute separation! She was so happy to see me all the time! Plus, she was always there to cuddle with me. Which was perfect since she weighs, like, 10 lbs. I sat her on my lap and facebooked and she didn't mind one bit. I have never been so appreciated in my life!

7. My dad snored very loudly. Claire started growling every time he snored and it was so hilarious.

8. We took her on a few walks and it was the best. The best! She wasn't needy about it, just happy about it. And since it was pretty nice weather, I was also happy about it.

9. She didn't hate Stephen. One time we met this dog who hates all the men and boys, and she snarled and barked at Stephen every time she re-noticed his presence. While it was kind of hilarious, I would never want a dog who hates my husband.

10. She isn't the best jumper. I thought she was, so I tried to get her to jump out of the car, and she fell on her face! I felt terrible and kept trying to hug her and make up for it, but she forgot about it immediately. And she still loved me. I'm telling you, this dog was all WWJD e'er day. She is such an inspiration.

So yeah if anyone could clone this dog and give her to me, I would greatly appreciate it. And if you want to also pay for all the expenses and just let me play with her and love her, then she would really be a perfect pet. Thanks Jenn and Justin! You guys and Claire have changed my life.

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