26 Things I Love

I started getting ready for Stephen's birthday on Saturday. I went to the store and bought decorations, some gifts, anddd candles.

"Won't this be cute!" I thought. "A 2 and 6, since he's turning 26."

It probably would have been cute, if he actually was turning 26.....But no. He's turning 27. So actually it is just embarrassing.

Anyway, here are 26 things you might not know, or that I love, about Stephen:

He has this thing about armpits. Like as in, they gross him out. I didn't know this until less than a month ago when he told me, and I started asking him more questions about it, and he said, "Like, I don't even want to think about them, this is making me not want to eat right now."

He wants to climb Mount Everest and has asked me probably 8 times if I would be mad if he did one day.

He loves videos about science / weird facts and is subscribed to all these YouTube channels, like Mind Blown and IFL Science, which he loves to watch and tell me about.

My kids always love when he comes to school, because he can do tricks like the human flagpole, and he plays tag and 90% of the 2nd graders join in.

He wants to go sky-diving and bungee jumping and every extreme thing you can think of....except free soloing (rock climbing without a rope).

This is about as extreme as I get....a zipline, followed by a 60-foot "free fall" that's not really a free fall but feels like it for about 2 seconds, in Park City.  

Sometimes he thinks that he wants a dog and he shows me pictures of husky puppies, thinking I will eventually get on board with that idea.

The cutest thing he's said to me in the past two weeks was when he said: "I do want one daughter, so we can spoil her." (We are not pregnant.)

This isn't a girl baby, but it is a baby.

When we first got married, he went through this phase where he would hide and then jump out and try to scare me every time I got home from school. Embarrassingly, it worked like 95% of the time.

He is super-protective of his sisters and one time he ran to this guy's apartment and banged on the door and got up in the guy's face and told him he (the guy) wasn't ever going to take his (Stephen's) sister on a date, because Stephen knew that the guy was in a contest to see how many girls he could kiss in one semester.

And another time, when I asked him what present we should get for Natalie, and mentioned that she wanted stuff for her dorm or college, he got really annoyed and said: "She's going to college! Man. Guys are gonna try to marry her so fast."

Pretty much every handyman thing he did on our house is something he either learned from doing it at Shimp Optical, the glasses business his family owned the whole time he was growing up, or from YouTube videos.

One time, when we were ripping up the carpet in our house, I tried to take a candid picture of him standing in the mess that we had created. What I got instead was a 4-second video of him shaking his head and saying, "No, it'll be alright." He was responding to a question I had asked right before I started recording, but I can't remember what the question was. I just know I kept that video and watch it sometimes just because I like seeing him take charge of a project and hearing him say "No, it'll be alright."

When he went to Peru for his mission, he got really good at Spanish, and really tan. Eventually, people there started asking him if he was from Argentina, because he didn't even have an accent.

For a while, he considered going to Puerto Rico for dental school, even though all the classes are in Spanish.

He always said he was definitely not going to marry a blonde, because he didn't want to marry someone who looked like his sisters.

......No comment.

He is like, the least picky eater on this planet, and he actually enjoys gross things like chicken hearts, oysters, and frog legs.

One time, the blender broke. And I was doing Whole 30 and I NEEDED my breakfast smoothie, so Stephen got a drill and held it on the bottom of the blender (like where the blade turns) and finished blending my smoothie. 

He loves watching fixer-upper house shows and actually has a really good eye for home design. He thinks it would be cool to fix up a beach house, or a cabin, and just make it super-nice and spend tons of money fixing it up.

Unlike me, I think he actually means it when he says that he doesn't care what happens on his birthday. October hits and I'm over here like, "EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION AND DO ALL THE NICE THINGS FOR ME!" But when Stephen's birthday rolls around, he would seriously be content with bacon and a chance to sleep in. (And something lacy. ) He is so low-maintanence that his birthday sometimes feels more like my special day than his.

He pretends like he can't cook....but actually, he makes this really delicious grilled chicken and green pesto spaghetti that is bomb.

Once when he was in 1st grade, his teacher moved his desk because he wouldn't stop talking. So naturally, he pushed over his desk. (The teacher grabbed him by the ear and dragged him down to the front office, and he says he just remembers his teacher yelling at him, and then the principal yelling at him, and then his parents yelling at him.)

Currently, he is going through this phase where he loves listening to BBC Radio. He's gotten me into it, too. And now we've all of a sudden started having intellectual, globally-minded conversations.

His eyebrows are pretty much perfect and I want to just point them out to everyone. At first I thought that he plucked them or did something to keep them up, but somehow, they are just naturally perfect.

When we were talking about where to go for dental school, I told Stephen I was starting to feel kind of nervous about going somewhere new where we don't know anyone. Then Stephen said, "I wouldn't think of it like that....I would just think of it as, Stephen and Heather going on an adventure." And my whole attitude changed, and I fell in love with him all over again.

He loves watching videos of animals and narrating them, and it is so hilarious that that's almost half of our messages to each other on Facebook now: funny animal videos that I want him to narrate later. (The other half are me asking where he is because I need to pick him up and his phone has died, which, by the way, never bothers him.)

Most of the time I think he is going to be such a good dad (no I'm not pregnant) but then sometimes, he gives his brothers dead legs and shoots them with air-soft guns, and they cry and say "I hate you, you're the worst brother EVER!" and throw vases at him, and even though it's really funny....I wonder what parenthood will be like.

It's his birthday....and so far today he has installed some cabinets (not in our house), dropped a stove on himself in a ditch (also not our stove), and nearly electrocuted himself. Now, while he cleans the stove, I'm waiting to take him out for a birthday dinner.

I love all these things I've learned about him! And I love this day that I get to celebrate him, and everything that makes him him, and everything that makes him mine.

Happy birthday to my favorite guy ever, the one who sometimes sits through Bachelor episodes with me, never wants to pay someone else to do something he could YouTube and do on his own, and always drives on road trips. (Seriously, he'll drive like the whole time.) Thank GOODNESS your mother birthed you and then you grew up to be perfect for me!

Love,
Heather

The Perks of Puppies

I'm probably going to get shot for saying this, but I don't really like pets.

Snakes are pretty much my ideal pet - quiet, cool to watch, hold-able, low maintenance, and unique. But they are also expensive and sometimes you have to feed them real live mice.

Birds are too screechy. Or too messy. Or too singy. Or too pecky. Also, I strongly react to their deaths. When Blueberry died, I went to kindergarten and didn't get off the bus. The busdriver dropped everyone off and then had to walk all the way back to find me still in my seat, staring out the window, when my friend told the teacher I was still on the bus and didn't want to come out. Then when Mandy got a tumor in her butt and keeled over one day, it was even more depressing! I don't think I could handle another bird death.

Hamsters are too stinky and too messy, and one time Stephen's family had a hamster who chewed off it's own feet, so no thanks.

Frogs are cute! But they don't live very long and one time I watched a documentary in third grade about how a lot of frogs are being born with mutations because of pollution?? And it traumatized me for life.

I literally dreamed of having a horse when I was little. Or at least horseback riding lessons! I would have even settled for my stuffed animal horse that I slept with and played with until middle school kinda liked coming to life every once in a while, but it was not to be. Anyway, horses are big animals, and as we all know, the bigger the animal, the bigger the poop. Plus, they are butt-expensive and can step on you.

Cats - oh my gosh, where do I begin. Too stinky. Too offensive to my family's allergies. Too selfish. Too hairy. Too cuddly when you want to be left alone and too un-cuddly when you want to cuddle. Too temperamental. Too demanding. Too scratchy and snotty. I never like cats.

Except this baby kitten was okay. I loved it, while at the same time realizing I probably wouldn't like it when it grew up. 

Dinosaurs are extinct.

Babies are cute, but they will be cuter later. When Stephen has graduated.

Camels - watch out, they spit.

And dogs. They may be man's best friend, but they also require a lot of attention and are very expensive. I don't like picking up someone else's poop (hence, why I haven't had a baby yet), and I don't like getting licked.

But this weekend, we got to babysit a dog who was just the most perfect dog ever, and now....{I kind of want one.}

The dog in question belongs to our couple friends, Jenn and Justin. And here are 10 things you need to know about this weekend with her:

1. She was a little bit of a cone-head. But she didn't seem to notice! And pretty soon, I didn't really notice either.

And also, the cone fit on sleeping humans, so I actually really enjoyed that about her.

2. She barely ever barked. This is a big deal because as you may recall, I like quiet animals.

3. She didn't like riding a scooter. Actually, she didn't try. She got off as soon as we put her on it. But I'm assuming that means she wouldn't have liked it.

4. She never once peed on the carpet. She did poop on someone's yard. And I didn't pick it up. #baddogmom

5. She pranced. Some dogs are boring and they just walk around, but Claire is like a princess / dog / gazelle and there is no better word for what she did. She is a prancer!

6. She ran pranced up to me after every single three - or more - minute separation! She was so happy to see me all the time! Plus, she was always there to cuddle with me. Which was perfect since she weighs, like, 10 lbs. I sat her on my lap and facebooked and she didn't mind one bit. I have never been so appreciated in my life!

7. My dad snored very loudly. Claire started growling every time he snored and it was so hilarious.

8. We took her on a few walks and it was the best. The best! She wasn't needy about it, just happy about it. And since it was pretty nice weather, I was also happy about it.

9. She didn't hate Stephen. One time we met this dog who hates all the men and boys, and she snarled and barked at Stephen every time she re-noticed his presence. While it was kind of hilarious, I would never want a dog who hates my husband.

10. She isn't the best jumper. I thought she was, so I tried to get her to jump out of the car, and she fell on her face! I felt terrible and kept trying to hug her and make up for it, but she forgot about it immediately. And she still loved me. I'm telling you, this dog was all WWJD e'er day. She is such an inspiration.

So yeah if anyone could clone this dog and give her to me, I would greatly appreciate it. And if you want to also pay for all the expenses and just let me play with her and love her, then she would really be a perfect pet. Thanks Jenn and Justin! You guys and Claire have changed my life.

April Fools - Kids vs. Teachers

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I love holidays. All of them. Well.....99% of them.

April Fools Day is the one holiday I actually don't like. Mostly it's just because I can never think of good pranks to pull on other people, so I just choose to be a bad sport about it and call the whole holiday stupid rather than participate.

But this year, I kind of did start to like it! All thanks to the fact that I have the cutest class ever. And I'm not even April Foolsing you.

My favorite moments, in no particular order:

1. When C bounced into class, eyes huge, and walked straight up to me.

"Mrs. Shimp," she said, "Today is April Fools Day. Did you know?"

"Yes!" I told her. In fact, I had remembered five minutes before school started, which just barely gave me time to take Lunch / Recess out of our daily schedule.

"I have an April Fools for you," she announced. "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow."

Oooh! My favorite knock knock joke! I paused. Then - "Interruptingcowwho?"

She stared at me. "Wait. Wait, do it again."

"Interruptingcowwho?"

".....Moo! Wait. Do it again."

"Interruptingcowwho?"

"Moo! Ugh. Mrs. Shimp. Again."

"Interruptingcow-"

"Moo!"

2. When C came over to me again, and ruined my April Fools spirit with this sentence: "Mrs. Shimp? Lunch isn't on the daily schedule....are you trying to April Fools us?"

Whelp. There goes that. "No," I said. "I just forgot to put it up." And I put it up and silently vowed to never try to April Fools anyone ever again.

3. When M, my super-shy, super-quiet kid, walked up to me with the "I" card. "Mrs. Shimp, how do you spell is?" he asked. Then, immediately after, "April Fools." A sly, sneaky smile crept up on his face and I burst out laughing. So then, for the rest of the day, other kids were coming up to me with their own versions of the joke: "How do you spell a? April Fools!" "How do you spell he? April Fools!!"

4. When A suggested that I go get the most yappy, annoying puppy I could find, and tell Stephen that I bought a dog. This is actually such a good idea and I wish I had thought of it earlier because I totally would have done it!

5. When M, whose mom is quite pregnant, had this suggestion:

M: Does Stephen know my mom is pregnant?
Me: Mmmm, maybe? I think so. I've probably mentioned it.
M: Well, maybe you can April Fools him, and tell him that my mom had her baby. And then he'll be all excited and be like oh my gosh and then you just be like April Fools!

6. When, with 15 minutes until lunch, I suddenly got back in the April Fools mood. And when J came over to ask if I was going to read with her guided reading group, I said: "I think I'm actually going to get to all the groups, because we aren't going to lunch today."

Confusion. "Huh? We're not going to lunch?"

It was already hard to keep a straight face. I nodded sadly. "Yeah, the cafeteria ran out of food, so we won't be able to go to lunch. So we're just going to keep doing guided reading."

Now she was starting to look a little panicky, and B had heard and was staring at me with his mouth open. "What!?" he cried. "But I'm so hungry!"

"Me too!" J murmured. "So we really don't get lunch? They don't have anything left?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," I said. "I better tell the whole class."

I thought for sure someone would remember that it was April Fools....but miraculously, no one did! Every single jaw dropped when I made my announcement.

"But I brought my lunch," H said. "Can I eat it in here?"

I shook my head. "That wouldn't be fair to the kids who were going to buy lunch."

"So no recess either??" asked IC.

"No, we'll have Recess still, just a little bit later," I assured them. "But it's okay you guys! I'm hungry, too. But just one day we'll be okay going without lunch."

M asked if she could call her mom to bring her food, and even offered to have her mom bring enough for everyone to have lunch. I told her that would be really nice and that she could call her at Recess. It made me smile to hear some of my kids who had brought a lunch offer to share with their friends who hadn't. They were all teaming up together so no one would starve and it was the cutest thing!

When I finally told them 15 minutes later, "Everyone line up.....we are going to lunch, April Fools!!!" they all ran up to me and wanted to give me high fives.

"Mrs. Shimp, you got us so good!" they screamed, happy as can be.

K shouted that that was the best thing I'd ever done, and L wanted to hug me, she was so proud of me.

If I had only known earlier that the best way to get popular with your students was to tell them lunch was cancelled....I would have done this a long time ago :)

Baby McElderry

Half of my friends are pregnant. Sometimes I get dramatic and say all of my friends are pregnant, and that's not really true. But literally, half of my friends are pregnant right now. Or just had a baby. 

Christine is one of my friends from freshman year of college. The first time I met her, she was eating Ramen out of a mug and I thought she seemed nice. The second time we met, she was running out the door with some other friends, wearing a toilet paper pageant sash and a crown, on her way to look for candy, or boys, or both, and I decided we needed to be friends. 

So when she told me she was pregnant, and then later when she asked if we could have a gender reveal party at my house, I was thrilled both times! I love hosting parties. I love thinking of a theme and looking on Pinterest and making my house cute and making treats, and the one part that kind of stresses me out about parties - inviting people and wondering how many are going to show up - was already going to be taken care of for this one. 

Besides, it gives me a real reason to clean my house. I know I live there and I should like it to be clean all the time, but I'm just gonna be honest: if no one is coming over, I have a hard time keeping it clean. And so does Stephen. We just aren't the best at it. 

But we do manage to come through every time we have a party! Just, in our own very different ways. Here's how I clean for parties vs how he cleans: 

I....put everything away. I mean, everything. Where it belongs. Socks, tissues, computer cords, everything needs to go in its place. It is time-consuming, but I hate just hiding the mess. 

He.....puts everything he doesn't want the guests to see on our bed. He closes the door and says no one is allowed in there. Efficient? Yes. Long-term effective? No. 

I....wipe off tables / counters / chairs and sweep. I do not mop before a party, unless something is totally goopy or unacceptable, because everyone's going to come in and ruin it anyway.

He.....re-wipes off everything I just wiped. Re-sweeps everything I just swept. And steam-mops every room. 

I....make cute little treats / snacks and then have to re-wipe off all the counters. When I'm done, I'm always running out of time, so I just shove all the dishes in the dishwasher without rinsing them or anything. I'll take them out after the party and actually wash them, but for now, I'm hiding them.  

He.....could care less about the treats. He gets stressed about the clean counters that I'm ruining. He opens the dishwasher at least twice and starts trying to put away the dishes that are haphazardly crammed inside before realizing they aren't clean, and I am up to my old tricks again. 

I....like to hang up cheesy decorations, usually made out of tissue paper or some cute printable I got off of Pinterest, and usually hanging too low for people that are a normal height. 

He....likes to poo-poo my decoration ideas. I guess I understand....They are cheesy, and they will stay up for at least a week following the event. I just like them and want to keep looking at them!

Christine and Joe will be having a BOY! One day he'll grow up and get married and get a house. And when that day comes, I wonder how he will clean up before his parties?

Things I Feel Strongly About Today

For some reason I woke up today and I was super-opinionated. So I'm here to share some thoughts that for seriously no reason keep bopping up.

1. I don't like sushi and I really don't think I ever will. Because I've tried it twice at least, and didn't like it either time, so why would I keep trying it? If I ever did like it, I'd want to eat it. And then I would have to buy it, and sushi is expensive, and like, why. My not liking sushi is something I really like about myself.

2. Ditto on manicures. Every time I get a manicure, I get at least 10 hangnails in the following week. So now I don't get manicures, and instead I go to my friend's house and we do gel nails, and I never get hangnails and I never have to spend money on manicures, either.

3. The Giver is a great movie! I loved it!

4. Blackout curtains are wonderful. I am a believer.

5. Cardio day is actually the worst day. This month is all about eating healthy and working out for Stephen and I, and I scheduled exactly what we need to work out each day. And we both agree that cardio day is the worst of all the days.

6. Winter probably shouldn't exist past Christmas.

7. I need the Big Bang Theory to be more readily available to me, please.

8. If Sammy's closes, I will probably cry.

9. Taylor Swift is coming to Utah in September 2015 and I will be going.

10. I don't get the whole, I want to do something different for my wedding thing. Why? Why would you wear a pantsuit when you could wear a dress?

11. The Dating Divas are so great and I've been spending a lot of time on their website ever since I went to a class they did at the Pinners' Conference. So now, I feel more stressed out than usual about people who don't seem like they're putting enough effort into their marriages. I just want to tell them to go to the Dating Divas website so their marriage can be rockin! It's so fun when your marriage is rockin, so why wouldn't you want that?

12. I am not interested in becoming a real estate agent. Like, ever.

13. I'm pretty solidly against "liking" things on Instagram or Facebook that already have 100+ likes.

14. "You Better Work" is maybe the best song Britney Spears ever did, and it didn't get nearly as popular as it should have. But it is so motivating! I think it didn't get very big because people don't want to work (work).

15. There are lots of artists that I love whose first big song I did not love. Here are some songs that I do not enjoy: "I Kissed a Girl," "All about that Bass," and "Whatcha Say." But I love Katy Perry, and Meghan Trainor's new song "Lips are Moving" needs to be on the radio more, and Jason Derulo is just so great with everything else he's ever done. {Besides breaking up with Jordin Sparks.}

16. I REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN A FLAPPER.

....I'm just saying. 

17. Stephen is the best husband in the whole wide world, and I love teaching, and I love my kids so much, but off-track time with him makes me wish I was off-track all the time.

18. I do not have a natural knack for organizing. It's something I really have to work on, but my gosh, it drives me crazy to see my stuff not organized. So this off-track, that's what I've been working on :)

19. That one workout at the gym, where you have to bend over this thing (a hamstring curl machine?) and then lift up this other thing with your legs, is so embarrassing. I can't believe that thing even exists in gyms. Stephen keeps trying to get me to do it, but we've come to an understanding that that does not happen unless he is standing behind me, and it is butt day.

20. These are the things that make me want a baby: looking at baby clothes at Target, the baby in The Giver, or Maleficent, or really any baby in any movie, watching Stephen build forts with his brothers.

I mean. 

21. These are the things that make me not want to have a baby: thinking about how much it costs, when I have a really good nights' sleep and realize that would all be over, following "Kids are the Worst" on Instagram (which is actually quite hilarious), people asking me when we are going to have a baby.

PS I am not pregnant.

Looks Like Summer

Today was another first day of school for Stephen {and apparently like 20 of my friends on Facebook or their kids} and another Monday off-track for me. I guess that means summer is really over and I'd better start blogging about it.

Here's an amazing dinner I made one night: salmon with carmelized onions and this beautiful summery salad with homemade dressing.  

We had a little fireworks party with our neighbors for Pioneer Day. It was so fun!!

And when I say we had a little fireworks party....I mean we set off all these fireworks. 

Train did a free concert in SLC one night, so you know we were there!! With like 20 of our closest friends. 

My favorite part was when this little girl got up on stage and sang "Bruises" with Train. It was so cute! Two years ago, my favorite part would have been when he invited any young ladies who wanted to dance to come up on stage with him. Because you know if I was a single lady, I would have been all over that! But I am old and married and boring now, so I stayed on my blanket with my hotter-than-Train husband.

After dropping Joseph off at the MTC, Natalie and I went to this little antique store. They had a quirky sense of humor there :)

UVU is slowly becoming our favorite hangout spot. We went there one day and played pool and air hockey. For the record, it was my first time ever sinking a ball in a pocket without cheating, and that is a big accomplishment!

I don't know if you have ever been to Sole Envy, but they were having an AMAZING sale one day in August. Everything in the store was 4 pairs of shoes for $50! Natalie and I almost peed our pants, and I finally got brown riding boots I have been wanting for a year. Happy Anniversary to me?

Since Stephen is a working man now, Natalie was my date for every social function I attended during the week. Like, Joe and Julia's wedding! 

I don't know why I am so bad at getting pictures with people at their weddings. But this is the best picture I have of the happy couple leaving their reception under a (geniusly restricted by bushes) sparkler tunnel.  

I had a baby! JK, Stephen's cousin Katie did. It is my favorite when people I know have babies, because then I get to hold them and cuddle them and admire their cute little feet, but I still get to sleep at night. Also Katie and Phil make the actual cutest children on this earth, so I'm so happy they have another one!

Stephen had to work on our anniversary, but he got the night off, so we just made breakfast together and then I dropped him off at work. He was making eggs when I got a hilarious idea to put a pillow in my sweatpants and one in my shirt, and go out and say "I'm sorry that I've changed so much since you married me!" Then he recognized the hilarity and put a pillow in his butt and I died. And we took some embarrassing pictures.

We are not always an old frumpy married couple! Natalie did my hairs and makeup for a fun anniversary date night. We went to La Jolla Groves, where he took me after we got engaged. 

They gave him a Creme Brûlée for his birthday!  

The lighting in there is so bad, I don't know why. But we had to take a picture like the one we took last year!

We were so young :)

When we got home, I opened the door and found rose petals going all the way back to our room and this: 

#bachelorettestatus. Of course I knew Stephen hadn't done it, so when I saw it, I said all thrilled: "Natalie, thankkk you!" She was lurking around a corner somewhere and said "What? I didn't do anything. The Love Fairy came!" and then Stephen got a little flustered and was all "Okay, it was my idea, I got the roses for it...." and I had to tell him thanks and that he is the best husband ever :)

That is the biggest knife we have in Stephen's hand. I don't know why we couldn't just take down the decorations like normal people? 

Joseph was mostly nonchalant, but a little excited to be going on a mission. 

If you haven't looked at it yet, be sure to check out his mission blog!