Wednesday, July 9, 2014

**Spoiler Alert**

The Cinemark Movies 8 dollar theater is one of my favorite places in the world. It's the perfect place for a group get-together or for a last-minute date night. In fact, I love it so much, that I refuse to watch movies at any other venue. There is not a movie in this world that I feel is worth more than a dollar, ever since this magical place entered my life. Some people put their parents on speed dial, others put Cinemark Dolla Theater. I am the latter.

Okay, I'm both. Mom and Dad are on there too. 


This is how a normal Dolla Theater date goes: We call ahead. We go. I get in line. He parks. We get the tickets. We go in. We sit in the dark. We hold hands. We watch. We smile and laugh, and then we come home and finish off the date and all is well in the land of Oz. 

But we just got home from a dolla theater date, and I am here blogging instead of whatever else, because who the freak did not think it was important to tell me that Gwen Stacy dies?? 

I mean, seriously! My emotions cannot handle binge-watching 4 week's worth of The Bachelorette, overhearing Stephen watching Breaking Bad, and a crappy ending to Spiderman 2 that I did not even remotely expect. 

I'm just a little annoyed that we went and sat through the whole movie and whispered mushy things to each other all based around the lines of the movie, things that might make you gag if you were sitting behind us, things like "you're my path" and "of course I would move to England for you," and that I actually cried once and came close at like 5 other points in the movie, 

Just to give you an idea, here is my scale of tolerance for stuff like this. 

I am fine with this:

ending, as I did say from the very beginning that Arie should win. 

I am healing up nicely from this:

coming to a screeching halt, followed by a series of kind of weird, bumpity halts that I eventually stopped trying to follow.

I have barely come to terms with this:

In fact, there were like 5 whole minutes after she dies that Stephen and I just sat there stupidly saying back and forth "She's not really dead" "Watch, she'll come back" "They wouldn't kill her" and other similarly hopeful sentiments until all 4 seasons passed with our hero staring at her grave. 

Which led to me storming out of the theater when they still had not resolved everything with her somehow coming back to life, which then I had to google, and read all about how she really did die in the comics, and apparently that was tragic and revolutionary and now whenever a hero's loved one dies, it's called the "Gwen Stacy Syndrome." And did you know that then, Spiderman has to hook up with Gwen's friend MJ, and hello?? That should never have happened! So as Stephen drove home, and I read the Wikipedia page out loud, we both just got quasi-depressed and had to eat plain 'ol buttered macaroni and cheese and cheesecake for dinner, which is not exceptionally healthy and which I blame Stan Lee for. 

My only consolation is that these two (Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield) are real live people, and together, they make up a real live couple. They go to events together, and walk red carpets together, and they kiss in public, and if my spidey sense tingling is correct, they will be together forever, and neither of them will ever die. And there is nothing Stan Lee or Steve Ditko or anyone else can do about it. (And yes I did just google those names.)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to 

A. watch a Disney movie
B. eat some caramel popcorn
C. cuddle with Stephen, who is also never going to die, coincidentally
D. all of the above. 

Answer: D. 

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