Wednesday, February 19, 2014

You Know the Honeymoon is Over When...

So, Stephen and I went Cruise-ading for our Honeymoon. And on the cruise ship, we went to some comedy shows. In one of the shows, the guy told us the following story:

"The other day I said to my wife, 'Do you think the magic has gone out of our relationship? Have we lost it?' She says, 'I dunno. Would you please pass the toilet paper?'"

Luckily, Stephen and I have yet to have a conversation like that. So I don't think that the magic has gone out of our relationship....but the honeymoon is certainly over.

Here are some ways you can tell if the honeymoon is over:

- You have to pay for your food again. And suddenly that $5 footlong at Subway seems so sad and, geez, talk about overpriced!

- You are no longer in sunny Cozumel, and you certainly aren't in Grand Cayman anymore. You're in Utah. And it won't stop raining.

- Conversations like this happen:
Her (spraying perfume): Doesn't this smell so good? Doesn't it smell so good you just wanna die??
Him: Yeah, I do wanna die, because I can't breathe now! 
- Also, conversations like this:
Him: I don't even really like desserts. You like desserts and I just don't get it. I kind of hate them. It's like paying to get fat. But if it's there, like, whatever, I'll eat it. 
Her: I know you will, and that kind of bugs me, because Stephen, I actually like those desserts and I want to eat them and then you do and I'm just like why is he doing that, he doesn't even like it...
- And,
Her: I'm so proud of our bed! Look at this. We have a bedskirt, pillows, shams....!!
Him: Now all we need is a central divider!
Honesty is so important in a marriage.

- You are living in a real people ward instead of a singles ward. And a little old lady is sharing a hymn book with your husband, the cutest little old lady you've ever seen, and your husband keeps turning to you to pretend like he needs to talk to you because he can't sing with a straight face because the sweet little old lady's voice is wobbling, and your husband, who is so kind and understanding, can't seem to stop laughing about it.

- You are unpacking and this conversation happens:
Him: Do you have any thread? I want to sew up this hole in my shirt. 
Her: Yeah, I have a little kit. But I don't think sewing would help, it would just pucker and look weird.
**A shirt comes flying across the room and hits me in the face**
**In shock, I throw the shirt back at him. That is not acceptable behavior!** 

**He throws the shirt back at me.**
Him: [still yelling] Oh, so it's MY fault?!?!
Her: What? Stephen!
Him: Iiiii saiiiddd, FIX IT!
Her: What are you.... 
Him: [looking very pleased with himself] Sorry, I just like yelling in here. Because I know our neighbors can hear us....so they're gonna think we're fighting, and they'll be like, oh no! and it's just gonna be so funny.

- You just intuitively know that you can't pick his nose hairs anymore. Because he might have let that slide before, but the honeymoon is over, and you know it.

- Your idea of a really spectacular date night is Completion Night at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Where you get 20% of all the stuff you still need to buy with your gift cards. And to top it all off, they give you veggies and dip, crackers and cheese, fresh fruit, and BlendTek smoothie samples, cookies, and chocolate truffles, and you call it dinner. Ro-man-tic!

- You bring up the topic of romance, and start sharing your idea of what that even means.
Her: I don't even think it has to be anything extravagant. Like it can just be something simple and thoughtful and sweet that took a little bit of extra effort. Like if I came home and saw that you had made a cute little dinner, I would think that was the cutest thing. Like I would probably collapse on the floor. I would....
Him: What's the Kelly Blue Book value of your car?
So, there went that conversation.

- It used to be that you got dressed up cute whenever you were going to see him, but now, you might not get dressed at all until you are leaving the house.

- You're taking a shower and you hear a flush. Whelp okay. Shiz just got real.

So, yeah, the honeymoon is over.


It's actually okay. You can't sit around, staring gooily into each other's eyes and reciting love poems all day. That's not conducive to living life as a normal human being. Sooner or later, the honeymoon has to be over so you can get on with all the other great things you are going to do.

It is not always pleasant realizing that the honeymoon is over. Sometimes it rains when you're on recess duty, and looking at the rock on your finger isn't going to make the sun come back out. Sometimes you want to pack leftovers for lunch the next day, but there are 5 noodles left, because as 1/2 of a couple, you now find your food disappearing at 5x the speed it used to. And he's great, like really great, but he's no perfect-er than you are. And what's worse is that you know that now, when it was just a rumor before.

But sometimes it is pleasant realizing that the honeymoon is over! The honeymoon is all about being perfect. You have to be on your best behavior. Turn on the water while you pee. Find somewhere to secretly clip your toenails. It's not terrible - and you could probably live for several years like that.

But when, all of a sudden, neither of you is on your best behavior anymore, it's a wonderful relief to find that that doesn't change how you feel. I love when the honeymoon is over, because that's when you find that you can irrationally cry just because you're tired, and in real life, he cuddles with you and makes you feel better.

That's when you look at bills, and it's stressful, and you are this close to wandering off to live as a hermit, and you realize what a tremendous blessing it is that someone else is looking at the bills with you. And that someone is your favorite person in the world, and you wouldn't really want to be a hermit, because what if there's only room for one of you in the hermit cave?

You know the honeymoon is over when you get mad at each other, and you're driving in a steamy silence after a long hard day for both of you, and he snaps, "And for the record, stay on your side of the bed tonight!" Oh, man, is it over then. But not even 10 minutes later, you are both laughing about it. Because you're not on your honeymoon - you're in real life. And your problems aren't solved, but you know that in real life, the world isn't ending, and even fights sometimes give you something to laugh about.

I loved our honeymoon....but I love real life just as much. And I know I've barely been married for 6 months, so this blog may sound naive, or premature. But I kind of think that if I check back in a later blog post, I will still feel the same way. I'll keep you posted :)

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